Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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