Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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