I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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