I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
