New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
