This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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