Please, let me fuck your mom
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
