i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
