omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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