I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
