Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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