not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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