Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
