I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
