The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
