yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
