I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
