So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
