By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
