What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
