Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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