Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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