guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
