Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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