my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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