You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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