I bet he comes in French.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
only if we run a train.
done.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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