if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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