I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
