you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
