where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
