I want to make a zoo with you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
