): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
