I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
