Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
