wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I will pee on everything he values.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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