ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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