Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
