i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
