i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
