I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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