Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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