I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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