what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
