If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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