I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
