Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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