No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
