he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
