it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
